Those things I miss.

You know those little moments that you never really valued at the time you had them? Yeah, I miss those.

Running for the team at the college has been absolutely amazing. I am probably happiest when I am with the team, they are such awesome people. I have also learned how great it is to run with a team; I was so used to training by myself, but now I really enjoy running with my teammates. Even if there is barely any conversation, just their presence can encourage me to keep going. But I have grown to miss running by myself, just for the fun of it. Training for all these races have lost it's flare. I want to run for myself now, not for a coach. I want to run for fun, not because I need to be fit and improve my time. I need new motivation to run. I need different scenery.

Another moment I miss is when I would go out walking with my dog. He would be off-leash and I would take tons of pictures of him and of the surrounding scenery. Sometimes I'd get pictures of moose or deer that were hanging around in the area. And then there were those early, winter sunrises. It would be around -15°C to -20°C some mornings and by the time we'd get home, poor Bud would be limping because a paw was too cold and my fingers would be so cold, they hurt. But seeing the morning light change the clouds and then those colors would be reflected on the snow that covered the frozen river.. lots of beautiful mornings. It's been a while since I took any pictures with my DSLR... probably about two months now. Photography used to be such a big hobby of mine, but whenever I pick up the camera, I feel no inspiration and I've just reached a point that any pictures that come out might be good, but not great or amazing.

It saddens me when two things such as running and photography have come to mean so little to me right now.

I am so close right now, so close to dropping out of college. It's like I've already walked to the edge and all there is left to do is jump, but I am building up the courage to do it.

Oh, I love my sister. She's so awesome.

But I have a race to run tomorrow, as much as I don't want to run it with this cold-thing I've caught.. it's a pain in the ass. And as I mentioned above, I've kind of lost interest with running at the moment. Well, for the college. Anyways, I need sleep.

Rachel