Never thought or wondered.

I never knew I would feel quite like this when it came to the point of saying goodbye to my two friends I met this summer. I cried way more saying goodbye to two people that I've only known for two months than when I graduated and was never going to see majority of my grad class ever again and I've known them for about 10 years.

So these past few days back 'home' has been kind of down. I haven't been doing a lot but sit on the computer, sleep and walk the dog with my sister. I went and hung out with a friend last night and now I think he thinks that I now like him (he tried to ask me out during grade 12. I told him no.). Frick, just because I agreed to hang out does not mean that I suddenly have feelings for the kid. I hate boys with crushes. Most of them, anyways.

Bahhhh. I just feel down. One of the friends I met this summer and I are trying to get together one more time before I move for college and put even more miles between us. Jeez, I'm moving this Friday and school is starting next Wednesday. God, time is flying!

Before this gets any more depressing, I'm going to go on a bike ride.
An nice, long bike ride. :)

Rachel

Eternity and then some.

So here we are
To go our separate ways
There's a little bit of excitement to continue on
But there has been dread for the past few days
I see them turn to go and I feel my heart go with them
This hurts more than I ever thought
Not that I tried to think about this moment
Or scribble about it with a pen
Suddenly I wish I didn't have to go
They didn't have to leave
And we could go on living like we were
This summer could continue for a few more weeks
Just give me some more time
To be able to say what I want to say
To feel what I want to feel
I don't want regrets to stick with me
Because I hesitated for too long
And then it's too late and they're already gone

Now I sit alone
All their stuff is packed and
Gone
Mine still sits
Untouched
They had places to go
People to meet
And I am avoiding home
Planning on getting some drinks to drink
My sight has become blurred
It's been a while since my eyes started to burn

They were both in a hurry
She had her bus to catch
Saying goodbye was distracting
There were people awaiting their turn
The tears didn't come until later
When I walked back to our room
Her side was empty
Random items littered the floor
He had family waiting
I guess they were kind of mad
My eyes had already overflowed when he came in
I didn't want him to think I was this bad
My feelings were overwhelming
I am sure he was a little bit worried
My crying was broken and wavering
His hug was warm and comforting

I watched them both leave
As I tried to smile through tears
Even as I write down these recent memories
The pressure builds
And my eyes fill
Now this just seems like some past story
I honestly cannot believe I only knew them for only two months
It felt like they were by my side
For an eternity
And then some

Crunch time, babe.

College is starting up in… 21 days? Three weeks exactly. Pretty intense, if you ask me. I am done my summer job in 10 days. I find that really unfortunate, definitely not looking forward to that.

I can feel the pressure of it all starting to build though. Definitely starting to tell by how much I have started eating, which is horrible because I am supposed to be running my ass off so I can try out for the Cross Country team at the college. Yeah, I do not think that is going to go well. I probably will still try out but I do not think I will do well at all. Not at all. My plan is to go to the gym at the college though. I find that I can schedule to work out and run better when I am attending school or something.. and when I know the gym is close to the school and easily accessible. There is also a lake near the place I am renting that has a nice path going around it that I could run. Blahhh.

So my plans for education are going crazy. I now have the crazy idea that I want to be a helicopter pilot. Pfft, yeah, I know. But I seriously think I want to do it! After my Natural Resource Compliance course I could work for a few years or so, save up around $70 000 (yes, that’s a lot of money) and then go train to be a pilot! Who is with me? This plan was planted into my head after I went on my first helicopter ride (this is usually how people decide they want to be a pilot but most find it to difficult to follow through). It was reinforced again when I flew some helicopters on the flight simulator at the tanker base near where I am staying and the supervisor helping me told me I was really good and said I should contact some helicopter company that my employers have hired helicopters from for fire suppression and stuff.
I hate crazy ideas. They always get my hopes up way too far.

God, I feel gross right now.

There are some things I still want to do before going to college. Namely getting my nose pierced or getting more piercings in my ears. And camping with friends, but that’s happening this weekend with the friends I made this summer. I am taking them to one of my favourite spots and I am hoping all works out and that it’s going to be sweet.

Ha, this last weekend I went to my friend’s bush party. It was very much like my graduation party except I didn’t drink nearly as much, thankfully. And this time there was a slip-and-slide (which was actually dubbed “Slip-and-Bleed”) and a marriage that involved wine being thrown at the ‘priest’s’ crotch and a divorce that ended the marriage by the ingestion of a marshmallow. Yes, these are the stupid things that take place only at parties. I had fun though, lots of dancing on truck tail gates and the wearing of cowboy hats with aviator sunglasses (even though it was around midnight when I brought them out and put them on). Ahhh, parties. Never a dull moment.

Seriously though, I am excited to go to college. I hope I meet some more awesome people. I have already made some sweet friends here and that has only made me more pumped to make more friends during college. And instead of only being able to spend two months with them, we’ll have two glorious years to be together.

Ha.

Twenty-one minutes until my lunch break and frozen yogurt. sigh.

Rachel

I am... ?

I am a girl who has been in a helicopter.
I am a person who feels confused.
I am a human being that has emotions.


I am a girl who has been asked to sneak in a bar.
I am a person who lives in a camp with some nice native workers.
I am a human being who avoids uncomfortable situations.


I am a girl who likes to have a good time with friends.
I am a person who enjoys to sleep.
I am a human being who loves Paintbrushes.


I am a girl who spent a week in a camp full of boy-crazy, talkative girls.
I am a person who has flown a plane, jet and helicopter in a flight simulator.
I am a human being who has spent tons of time, yet not enough, in the mountains.


I am a girl who has a crush, but it may not be on the guy most are expecting.
I am a person who wishes to be thinner.
I am a human being who makes mistakes.


I am a girl who played hooky today.
I am a person who gets amazing pancakes with blueberries almost every morning.
I am a human being who talks on the dispatch radio.


I am a girl who can drive nice, big trucks.
I am a person who enjoys driving a really old, rusty truck.
I am a human being who covets other people's vehicles.

I am a girl who doesn't know how else to update her blog.
I am a person who has a lot more to type about.
I am a human being who doesn't feel like typing about anything else today.

This girl, person and human being is having a great summer.

:)