But you know, there's nothing you can do once the choices you made are made. All you can do is roll with the consequences. Yeah, you'll probably regret making your decision.. decisions, but you just have to move on. Somethings will be easier to forget than others. You might wish to forget, and sometimes you will be able to. Other times, you know you won't be.
I'm not one to give much advice. I'm usually the one who seeks it out, who feels like I need it to get through the stupid shit I do. But every once in a while, yeah, I know that I'm in a position where I need to be the one to give it. Where someone is seeking out advice from me and I need to be there to give it.
No one said life was a breeze. No one said anything was easy. But you know what, sometimes we make it harder than it really is. Or maybe it is hard to deal with, but if we push on hard enough, we can make it easy to deal with. Sometimes we feel like we don't want to deal with it or we want it to be hard to deal with because it finally gives us something to be down about, to be sad and depressed or upset. Because feeling that way makes us feel human, makes us feel alive. Sometimes we need to feel like life is hard so we don't feel so fake, so we don't feel like life is so damn easy, like it's 2-D.
I believe we need to go through the hard times, it helps us learn about life. And fuck, do we have a lot to learn about life. It's so damn complex, it's amazing. Half the time, people go through it and don't even realize what they're missing. I think these people are the ones that live the sheltered lives, protected from all the things that could make one become.. "bad", I guess? Maybe that isn't exactly what I'm trying to say.. ha. People need to experience things. Sheltered lives, I think, are not good for people. We need to experience things for ourselves so we can grow as a person, gain knowledge that will get us farther in life than our parents can get us. We need to experience the hurt, the pain, so we know how to help others through it. It's all a part of life that we should have to deal with.
I was told that my mother thinks there's something wrong with me. My own mother. Yeah, right now I'm not looking too far into anything she's saying so I'm not letting it bother me too much. But that though is sticking in my mind, just as a reminder that maybe my life has become a bit more.. complex than what other's might like. It gives me the satisfaction that I'm making choices that even though they're not up to the expectations of others, of my parents, but it's making me into a woman who maybe isn't quite 2-D. There's going to be more to me than maybe others might think or expect, especially coming from the family I come from and after being raised by the parents I have.
There's some things we do that we can do absolutely nothing to take it back, to change our situation that came about as a result of what we did. And we just have to live with it for the rest of our lives. But what you decide to do with that decision, it's completely up to you. Someone very important and special to me told me this: "You're going to have to make you're decisions for you because you're the one who's going to have to live with it. In the end, when everyone else is gone, you're going to be stuck with you and it's you who you're going to have to deal with." (Probably not exactly what was said, but it was along those lines.)
You know what you need to do to carry on. Whether you want to do what you know you need to do, well, it's your choice to do it or not. You need make your decisions and choices for you.
Just remember I love you.
