I'm starting to get tired of waiting around. Some days are worse than others, but mostly I feel useless. Yes, useless is a good word to describe how I'm feeling these days. Useless and.. ignorant. I choose to ignore things that I don't want to hear or pay attention to.
Honestly, I'm am really excited to go to Guatemala. Extremely, it's something I've wanted to do for such a long time; travel somewhere new and live life without any obligations to anybody.
There's a part of me, though, that feels so damn lost and asks why I'm going. What am I going to accomplish if I go to Guatemala? What would I accomplish if I stayed here and didn't go? It's going to be a life-changing experience, I'm sure, but feels a little irresponsible as well.
I'm hoping things will just fall into place and everything will be fine.
Maybe these are pre-travel nerves.
Or maybe it's PMS.
Or maybe I'm just hungover and feeling like crap and my crappy mood is affecting my thoughts about my travel plans.
Who knows.
Things that still need to be done.. well, I have to get my credit card. Then I need to get my money out of a trust fund. Then I need to buy my plane ticket. Then I need to pack/make sure I have/buy everything I need.
Then leave?
Hopefully?
God, I really want to visit my college friends before I leave. Badly. Unfortunately, I still can't see it happening.
And I don't know if I can get to the town an hour away to visit my friends from the summer.
I suppose it depends on when I leave. While looking at plane ticket prices, I was seriously discouraged when I saw that prices had jumped up around $200 in between Christmas and New Years, which is when I originally had planned to leave. I found a few flights that are priced at the same prices I had seen before the price jump, but they leave about a week after Christmas.. I suppose they will be my best bet, though. Then I can still go to the New Years party that I bought a ticket for and friends are expecting me to go to. And then it gives me time to visit my summer friends, if I can get there. I still can't see me being able to visit my college friends though, too much money and time to get down there. Ughhhh. Fuck.
Yeah. I've probably repeated shit I've said in previous posts, but whatever.
I'm just feeling shitty today. I went out last night (which was pretty fun!) and came back at 1:30AM pretty full of beer and some Screech (a Newfoundland drink; it's tasty, better than Scotch in my opinion!). I slept most of today away and watched the first Matrix movie.
What a lazy day.
Rachel
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