Closing in on 10 days.

I'm leaving in about 10 days. Well, make that 9 days, this day is pretty much over.
I tend to go back and forth between feeling scared shitless about leaving to wishing I could leave right now. It pretty much depends on how my parents treat me; whether or not they order me around versus letting me do whatever I want. So far I've been doing whatever I want, so it makes me wonder why I should leave because I've been having a pretty good time here.
But no matter what, I'm going. It's been about... one month? A little more? since I've decided to travel down to Guatemala. It's insane how fast one can make decisions and put dreams into actions when one puts their mind to it.
Actually, it's beautiful.

I've been feeling fairly rebellious lately. My folks have been lecturing me a bit on my drinking; my dad says that I need to learn how to limit myself once I start because if I can't do that, then that's the first signs of alcoholism. Maybe I should be more worried about it, but I'm not. You only live once, I'm sure I'll grow out of drinking and get sick of it; I'd probably find something else to keep me occupied and such once I leave. Well, actually, I was a bit worried about it; I guess it's kind of like how I feel about leaving- sometimes I worry about it, but sometimes I don't give a damn. I think it's related to how my parents treat me again. For example, tonight I was supposed to go out drinking with my brother and two of my friends, but my brother ditched and I wasn't feeling like going out anymore. That feeling changed once my parents (more my dad) voiced something about me staying home because I'll be drinking tomorrow night with another friend and then again the next night (New Years) in the city at a pub, and drinking three nights in a row probably wouldn't be good for me. Now I'm hoping that my two friends still want to drink tonight, just because my dad doesn't really want me to. Talk about rebellious teen angst.

My sister bought the movie Girl, Interrupted the other day and I really liked it. I thought it was a beautiful movie. Angelina Jolie's role as Lisa Rowe was amazing and Winona Ryder's role as Susanna Kaysen was really good too.
For some reason, I wanted to be like one of those girls. I'm not too sure why.. I just wanted to relate to someone, maybe Lisa. I liked her attitude. Don't ask me why, who would want to be in pain like some of those girls and live in a mental hospital?

Still waiting on those friends.. still wanting to go out tonight!

Rachel